Drink of Despair
by Kimmimaru
Summary: The last moments of Regulus Black...The tragic record of Regulus' last memories stirred up by the Drink of Despair. Contains swearing, child abuse


AN: I had the sudden urge to write out Regulus' last moments, I hope you enjoy. (Italics are memories stirred by the drink of despair.)

The Drink of Despair

The stone island was cold even through the soles of Regulus' boots, he stood before the basin and gazed at the potion. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn't cut out for this. What he was doing was insane, utterly mad but he couldn't quit now. He turned to the wrinkled old house elf at his side, Kreacher blinked at him in terror so he smiled as kindly as he could given the hard lump of fear that has settled in his chest. "Kreacher, it's alright." He said in a soft voice that only trembled a little.

"M-Master Regulus...We s-should leave now, sir..."

"No...I can't. Not now I've come so far." He returned his gaze to the basin. He could see himself reflected in the calm surface, a pair of bright grey eyes full of terror and excitement and long black hair that fell into his face. He gripped the edges of the basin and took a deep breath. "No matter what...I have to do this." Swiftly, so he didn't lose his nerve, he produced his wand from the pocket in his black Death Eater's robes. With a wave he conjured a goblet of silver. His hand shook slightly as he pulled back his dagged sleeve and dipped the goblet into the potion, he withdrew it and held it up to the light he had conjured. He smiled at Kreacher. "I order you to ensure I keep drinking this potion, then, when the locket is visible I want you to take it and leave."

"But Master...!"

"You cannot refuse an order. Leave and take the locket, do you understand?"

Kreacher gazed at him through huge rheumy eyes, he finally nodded. And Regulus lifted the goblet in a toast. "To the betterment of Wizarding kind." He breathed softly and put the goblet to his lips, he drank it all and lowered it. For a moment he blinked while staring off into the distance...then he plunged the goblet back in and drank again. The second draft hit him like liquid fire, he stumbled slightly, catching himself on the basin and gasping. He managed to take another goblet full and drink it before sinking to his knees, he began coughing and shaking...

"M-Master Rugulus!"

_..._

_Regulus was five, he was looking around the edge of the door of the Drawing Room in his family house. He could see his brother standing before their father and looking up at him, Sirius seemed to sense his gaze and their eyes met. Sirius smiled weakly before lowering his head just as their father's fist descended. _

...

"...Sirius...nooo..."

...

"_Mother! I am not going with you! I hate the Malfoy's!"_

"_You will do as you're told Sirius, you cannot refuse!"_

"_I bloody well can, I hate-"_

_Regulus heard the loud slap, he winced in sympathy from his seat on the stairs. He couldn't see his brother and mother but he could hear them. He hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face in them, he despised their screams._

"_How dare you speak to me like that you filthy little traitor!"_

"_I will speak to you how I want! You treat me like shit!"_

"_Why you...How dare you! You're nothing but a useless peice of filth! You shame me with your foul tongue!"_

"_I shame you?! You shame me! You're worse than the others! I HATE YOU!"_

"_GO TO YOUR ROOM!"_

"_GLADLY! Anything to get away from you mad bitch!"_

_There was a bang and Sirius' sharp scream cut off by another crash. Regulus hugged himself tighter and began to cry, he didn't like them fighting. Sirius always got hurt even if he never cried about it. He rocked back and forth as Sirius' shouts became louder._

"_...You give me more and more reason to hate you! You call yourself a mother?! You slap me around me around like I'm some way ward child! You scream at me...call me useless...YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME!"_

"_I know you well enough Sirius, you stain this household with your impure thoughts and filthy magazines! I wish I had never given birth to you."_

"_At least we can agree on something, you old cow." Sirius growled._

_Regulus groaned. "Stop...stop it...please...please s-stop..." But the next scream to rent the air was the worst. He sobbed helplessly into his knees as Sirius screamed his agony to the sky._

_..._

"No...No stop it...stop fighting...p-please..."

"Master...Master drink this...Kreacher will make it better..."

Regulus drank the liquid that was poured into his throat and screamed...

...

_Regulus saw it. He saw his brother packing away his things hastily, he could see the bruising on his face as he closed his trunk with a snap. He dragged it into the hall and spotted Regulus, the two brothers looked at each other for a moment._

"_W-Where are you going?" Regulus asked._

_Sirius looked at his trunk. "Away." he said in a rough voice._

"_Where? Will I see you again?"_

"_Of course you will, we go to the same school." Sirius pushed hair from his eyes and looked out the window. "They'll be coming back soon. I have to go." He moved towards the stairs._

"_Please don't." Regulus whispered from where he stood by Sirius' room._

_Sirius was half way down the stairs when he turned back and looked up at his brother, they looked at each other for a very long time. "You chose your path, Reg...I'm choosing mine. Goodbye, brother." _

_Regulus watched him leave, he felt an emptiness fill his heart and fell to his knees in the corridor before hugging himself. "Don't leave me here alone." He whispered to the carpet._

_..._

"D-Don't...n-no more...I-I can't...please..."

"Just...just one more, Master Regulus...one more...and I-it will all be better...Kreacher Promises..."

More liquid. More agony. Regulus doubled over and began sobbing helplessly, crying as hard as he had as a child trapped in darkness as he listened to his family falling apart...

...

"_You know what to do?" _

_Regulus looked at the masked figure stood at his side, he nodded once and adjusted his own mask. He was doing the right thing...wasn't he? He took a shuddery breath and moved down the dark alley that yawned and sucked him into the shadows. He had taken the mark to ensure the protection of his parents. He had to make sure they survived. Briefly he wandered what his brother would think of him doing this, then pushed it aside...Sirius was dead to him. He couldn't, wouldn't think about that now. _

_The muggle woman had begged him for her life, she had wept and begged and yet he couldn't avoid it. He saw the flash of green light ignite the walls like a flash of lightening and he winced as he scream was cut off. The dull thud as her body hit the carpet made Regulus fall to his knees, he forced himself to look at her. She lay on the floor, her hair a tangled grey mess around her head, her arms reaching for him in supplication. He felt violently sick. He struggled to his feet and stumbled into a wall, gasping and clutching his stomach he found the loo and fell to his knees before it. His wand fell from numb fingers as he vomited violently. Between retches he sobbed, tears falling down his face as his shoulders shook. He squeezed his eyes shut. "I-I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm sorry...Please...forgive me!" He cried into the silence of the house..._

_..._

"...'m sorry...'m so sorry..." He mumbled as he lay curled into a ball on his side. He closed his eyes and cried even as a cold hand touched his face.

"M-Master Regulus, sir?"

He choked down a sob and managed to croak; "D-Do you...Do you have it...?"

"Y-Yes M-Master...I-I have the L-locket s-sir...Kreacher doesn't like it..."

"Destroy it..." Regulus rasped, opening his eyes slowly. "Destroy it, Kreacher...And leave me..."

"B-But...but how will Master get out?"

Regulus forced his aching muscles to move and he smiled. "I'll leave when I can..." His throat was raw and dry, he could hardly speak as his tongue felt like foam. "Kreacher...I-I...I order you to leave me, take the locket and try to destroy it...I'll be fine..."

Kreacher began to back away, as he did so Regulus sat upright and reached for the goblet that lay on the floor. His long pale fingers grasped it and he drew it to his chest carefully. Kreacher watched in horror at what his master was doing, he cried out in agony as he watched Regulus lean over the side of the island and dip the goblet into the water. His wand lay feet away from him. With another agonised cry Kreacher disappeared with a loud pop.

Regulus heard the pop and smiled to himself. "Good luck Kreacher...and...thank you...for everything..." He took a deep breath and plunged the goblet into the cool water. His sleeve soaked it up as tears fell down his face. "Forgive me, Sirius..."

Ice cold fingers clasped his wrist and Regulus was dragged into the cold water...


End file.
